Thursday, November 17, 2016

Rules for Listening to People You Love But Don't Agree With

Rules for listening to people you love but don't agree with.

1. Choose to believe what they are telling you - that there is a truth at the root of what they are saying, even if it is not what they think they are saying.

2. Ask for clarification and more information instead of arguing. 'Can you tell me some specific examples of what you're talking about?' 'Can you tell me why a is more important to you than b?'

3. Move the conversation towards consensus by finding out what want or need is underneath their position. They want to feel safe - you also want them to feel safe. If you're both working on ideas of what would help them really be safe instead of attacking their first thoughts about what would make them feel safe, you'll get a lot more of what you want, too.

4. Say it's okay for the two of you to disagree. It really is. Disagreement is not the problem and can be done respectfully. Disrespect is what is not okay.