Friday, February 5, 2021

What White Kids Need to Hear

 Yesterday I read two books to my daughters (ages 8 and 11 right now):

Yours for Justice, Ida B. Wells: The Daring Life of a Crusading JournalistYours for Justice, Ida B. Wells: The Daring Life of a Crusading Journalist by Philip Dray
and Ruth and the Green Book


Both are good resources and I recommend them.  Note: we didn't read these because it's Black History Month.  We picked the one about Ida B. Wells randomly from the library and the one about the Green Book is a resource for a year-long anti-racism curriculum I was editing for work.

I don't think anything in these books was completely new to either of my kids.  This is stuff we talk about all the time as the opportunity arises.

But afterwards, a while afterwards, my 8 year old turned to me and said, "Mom, were there White people who didn't think slavery ... who didn't think segregation was okay?"

And I said, "There were lots of White people who if you asked them would have said that slavery and segregation were wrong.  But they wouldn't necessarily have said or done anything to change those things, or been willing to stop benefiting from them.

There were lots of White people who didn't see anything wrong with slavery or segregation and were happy to keep benefiting from them.

There were some White people who even worked to keep slavery and segregation going.

But there were also some White people who worked to stop slavery and to end segregation."

This is something White kids need to hear.  They need to know these truths.

But then I went one further.  I said, "In our family, your great-grandma and great-grandpa moved into the house that they lived in when I was a kid.  That neighborhood was all White.  No Black people lived there.  And then some things started to change and it became possible for Black people to buy houses there.  A lot of White people moved away from the neighborhood.  There were realtors who came and knocked on my grandparents' door and told them they should sell their house right away because a bad thing was happening and Black people were moving into the neighborhood.  My grandparents said no.  They liked their house and they liked their neighborhood and they were just fine with having Black neighbors.  It wasn't a really big thing to do.  They didn't help change any laws, although I think they were part of a neighborhood organization that got together specifically to defeat that kind of red-lining and scare mongering.  They just did the right thing in the situation they were in and refused to be scared of having Black neighbors.  Sometimes you don't have to do anything really BIG to make a difference.  Just the right things."

That is also something White kids need to hear.  They need to hear the truth about where their own family story fits with the stories of slavery and segregation, abolition and civil rights.  This happens to be a truth in our family history, but it is not the only truth (go back 50 - 200 years and there are a lot of different ancestors in different places in relation to race relations) and as circumstances allow my kids will hear other truths - like that many of my great-grandparents would have used the N word with no second thoughts, that we have ancestors who were probably slave owners (in a small way - no big plantations as far as I can tell), etc.  

And they need to hear that you start where you are, with the situations you encounter.  And you do the right thing to the best of your ability.  And that doesn't make you exempt from living in a culture of White supremacy, but that you always have the "right to choose which side / shall feel the stubborn ounces of [your] weight." (Bonaro W. Overstreet)

Monday, June 1, 2020

Navigating Decisions: Moving to Yellow

I offered a community workshop for families considering how to change their quarantine behavior as our area moves towards Yellow in the next week.

Here's the link to the recording:  https://youtu.be/CmOSKxFbpDs

I am suggesting these articles as follow-up reading because they've been helpful to me.  In this very unusual time, we are all trying to find our ways and figure out what the next best thing we can do is.  






And here's the link for the article we discussed in the workshop: 

Friday, April 24, 2020

Leg Warmers (instructions)

My 7 year old wanted leg warmers.  She had some pretty specific requirements, some of which, I decided after some experimentation, were not attainable.  I also chose the yarn myself because part of the point of this project was leg warmers and part of the point was 'something to occupy my hands during meetings'.  Which became EVEN MORE IMPORTANT when suddenly all meetings were happening via Zoom.

Although in the end a lot of these were knitted during births, too.

This is the yarn I chose, from Wild Hand in Mt. Airy.  They were very helpful in figuring out what I wanted and then they wound it into a nifty ball for me.



This was a very improvisational 'pattern' with a lot of false starts before I hit on what I really wanted to do.  I used No 6 4.0mm bamboo double pointed needles.  I divided the yarn into two balls before I started so I wouldn't make one fabulous leg warmer and then run out before I made another one complete.


  • Cast on 30 st and k2p2 in the round 20 rows.
  • Switch to k only and knit in the round another 20 rows.
  • Start adding 1st by knitting into the front of the stitch, and then into the back of the stitch before slipping the stitch, every other row. I just sort of varied where in the round I was doing this, so it's a bit random.  Add a total of 10 stitches, ending up with 40 st on the needles.  
  • Keep knitting in the round until you feel like you are almost out of yarn or it's long enough for your child's leg.
  • Switch to k2p2 in the round 20 rows.
  • Cast off!
The results:



I made them extra long in the hopes that she'll be able to wear them for a few years.  She is thrilled!

Saturday, March 21, 2020

Keep Going

There is a moment
when the path you are on 
ends;


all the ideas
and plans
and expectations you had
don’t make any sense,
not anymore.


You were a dot
moving in a line
on a plane.


Suddenly,
there are three dimensions
and the way you must go 
is up
out
away 
from the plane 
you used to know
was everything.


A Jacob’s ladder
leading up into the blue,
often through a storm
into heights 
with no air to breathe.


You may struggle 
for a time.
Want to go back,
need to mourn,
be angry,
shout at the sky.


And then you keep going.
It’s the only thing
you can do.


Keep going.
Become the person
you have to be
to do that.


Keep going. 
We are with you.


image Balu Ertl / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)

Copyright Dawn Star Sarahs-Borchelt 2020; may be used freely for any non-profit use including streaming with credit.

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Songs

Two songs have come to me in my life.

This one came when I was 15 and feeling very afraid a lot of the time.  (I had been robbed at knife-point at my local regional rail station down the block from my house.)  This song helped me be less afraid.

Do you know how strong you are?
Do you know how beautiful you are?
That you shine like a star in the night?
That you blaze with your own light?

You can see me sing it here: https://youtu.be/K22StyCGHbI

The other came the fall both of my maternal grandparents died.  We sang it at their memorial services.

Bury my heart but not my love;
carry that with you wherever you go.
We bury your heart but not your love;
we carry that with us wherever we go.



You can hear me sing it here: https://youtu.be/yMB4Zg7FOks

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

When You Have More Than Enough

Once upon a time there was a family. Maybe this family had not quite enough to eat.  Or maybe they had just about enough. Or … perhaps they had MORE than enough.

You might not have been able to tell.  THEY might not have been able to tell. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you have enough or not.  It’s hard not to want more or different things than you have.

In any case, this family came together one autumn day for a celebration.  A feast. A time of gratitude.

They gathered, as we have done, around a table.  There was food. There was drink. There were flowers to remind them of beauty.

And then there was a call from the gate outside their door.  

“Hello!  We’re hungry and thirsty and we see you have a feast.  May we come in?”

Well, the family didn’t know at first how to answer.

Who were these people at the gate?  Was it safe to let these people in? Did they have enough to share?  Was there room?

But they remembered.  

They remembered that most of them had come to this family, to this celebration, from someplace else.

They remembered that even they, who were there at that table, had not always been kind to each other.  There had been times when they hurt each other. There were still times when they made each other sad or angry or afraid.  There is no way to make life completely safe.

They remembered times when others had shared with them, even when the others might not have had quite enough of their own.  

They remembered when each new member of the family had been born, or come to stay, or married in.  They remembered that they had always found a way to make room.

And they remembered an old, old saying: when you have more than you need, it is better to build a longer table than to build a higher fence.

We have enough, they said.  We might have more than enough.  We are many, and strong, and we can hold a safe space here in our home for all who come.

And so they went out of their door and to the gate in the fence.  They opened the gate. They invited the people who were there in. Inside, they pulled out another table and made the space for these newcomers.  They covered it with a cloth. And the newcomers set upon it a dish full of something fragrant and delicious which was strange and wonderful to the family.  Everybody shared. And there was enough.

I want us to notice that we only heard one part of that story.  We heard the story of the people who were in the family in the house, ready to feast.  We didn’t hear the story of the people at the gate, wanting to come in. We don’t know who they are or why they are there or what they bring to the table other than the strange and wonderful food!  So when you hear other stories this Thanksgiving season, I want you to think about whose stories they are. And whose stories they aren’t. And what those other stories might have been.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Resilience and the Fire

RESILIENCE - THE FIRE

Main Line Unitarian Church began 60 years ago this year, in 1958.  But it didn’t start in its current building.


It started in a building about 3 miles away in Berwyn, which had been built by the Methodists. 

   

MLUC rented the building for a while, but then after only 2 years, they decided to buy this land, here, where we are now.


On this land was a mansion.  It had 17 rooms plus a ballroom big enough to seat 125 people.  It needed a lot of work, but within another year, the church opened its new doors.  And a few years later, when our congregation was 10 years old, they built even more space to hold their big, busy church.


But MLUC isn't in that mansion now.  The building now is only 26 years old, not 60.  Here is the story of why.


About thirty years after the congregation moved into the mansion, they decided they wanted to make their building bigger again, and fancier.  They raised lots of money and they hired a building company, and work began … and then disaster struck.


One night, a fire started.  As far as anybody could tell, it started in some old electrical wiring.  By the time anyone saw the flames, it was too late to save most of the old mansion.



The firefighters came - LOTS of them - and they sprayed and sprayed and sprayed water, but everything inside the stone walls burned.  Some of the stone walls themselves were damaged by the heat and had to be torn down later. Nobody could go into the building until the fire department said it was safe. The congregation certainly couldn’t come to worship or their religious education classes or hold meetings in the building.


Several things happened next.


One thing that happened was that MLUC was given help.  The Episcopal priest from the church just down the road came to them and said, “you can meet in our building for as long as you need to until you have recovered from this terrible fire!”


Another thing that happened was that members had to grieve what they had lost and plan what they wanted to do next.  There were lots and lots of meetings to talk about what happened and decide whether to re-build here or move somewhere else.


And finally, the congregation made a decision and moved forward to re-build.  


MLUC found out that their church was resilient.


When something is resilient it means that it can bounce back and keep growing even after something bad or damaging happens to it.


Some of us know what it’s like to be resilient, because something terrible has happened in our lives and we have gotten help, and we’ve grieved what we’ve lost, and we’ve made decisions and been able to move forward in our lives.  Some kids, some grownups.


Some of us maybe have had terrible things happen but haven’t been able to move all the way through them yet.  There is still time. Sometimes the process of becoming resilient takes a long time. But as long as you are alive, there is hope.  You can get help, you can grieve what is lost, and you can move forward, someday.


Maybe you have been really lucky, and nothing very terrible has happened to you. Sometimes resilience isn’t about dealing with one big terrible thing but just being able to keep going when little yucky or unhappy things happen.  


One symbol of being resilient is the Phoenix.  Some of you might know about the phoenix from Harry Potter, or from learning about mythology.  A Phoenix is a magical bird which is born from flame, lives its life, and then bursts into flames and turns into an egg - which hatches out a new Phoenix.


MLUC's church banner has a phoenix rising up out of the flaming chalice.  It shows that the building might have burned, but MLUC is still here and it is still a church with loving hearts, open minds, and helping hands.